1. I am single, not alone
After a break-up we begin to feel alone and bored. That idea of feeling alone manifests our thoughts, and can consume our self-confidence. However, we are technically never actually “alone.”
Being single is different, than being alone. Being alone would mean that I do not have my amazing family and friends by my side through the trials and triumphs of everyday life. Even though I am boyfriendless, I am not alone, I am single.
This realization took awhile for me to arrive at. It all began with a YouTube video series entitled “Relationship Goals.” This video taught me about being the person, before “the person,” and the importance of my personal journey before a relationship.
2. People find it odd that I don’t mind being single
You know the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Part II?” Yeah, that is my life.
Family or friends would often say to me “don’t worry, you’ll find someone one day.” That statement led me to feeling insecure, and feeling as though I was not enough by myself. Their comments made me think that I had to be in a relationship to feel whole. The repetition of asking this same question was drilled into my head and twisted my thoughts.
The truth is that I am never worried that I will not find someone, the reality is that I just am not looking for anyone at this moment in my life. That statement shocks people. How could I, as a woman, not be looking for a male companion? Well obviously when I see an attractive member of the opposite sex I think about him as a potential candidate, but getting into a relationship is not a main priority in my life right now.
I believe that the right person will come into my life at the right time. So why should I be looking for him? If I just live my life and go about things, he will pop in when the time is right. [I’m a hopeless romantic at heart] 😉
3. You have to accept yourself
I always talk about self love, but it truly is key. People who have been in successful and health long-term relationships often tell me “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I couldn’t agree more.
Dating someone can’t fill the void forever. Your insecurities, your self-criticism, and your self-esteem will not go away once you are in a relationship. A relationship just acts as a minor distraction to the reality of the emotions.
You must be honest and true to yourself. Know your personal goals, know your values, your strengths, and your weaknesses. One of my closest friends just got married, and some of the greatest dating advice she has given me is that you have to be your own person within a relationship. You need to have a good sense of self, and be able to be independent. That is the key to a healthy and successful relationship.
“Love is getting that balance right. Bringing your real self to another person’s real self.”
4. Being patient is tough
Do I swipe around on these apps to kill time? Yes. Do I dream about being in a relationship? Yes. Do I see a cute guy at the cafe I’m at and fantasize about him coming over to sit with single me? Of course.
The waiting is soooooo tough. For anything. Waiting for a package to arrive, waiting for the line to move at a cash register, waiting for Christmas.
But I have learned that I have to be patient and not rush anything. Once you can learn to accept the idea of being open to waiting for the right person at the right time, then being single becomes a lot easier.
5. I know the type of guy I want in my life
Dating has helped me to figure out what I am looking for in a potential candidate. Obviously I can’t be too picky, but the important things that matter to me are things like values and character.
Reflect on your own values and what you highlight as important for your future partner to have. I am not talking about the superficial things like tall, athletic, has a beard. I mean attributes like family values, patience, values his health, is driven. Having a sense of those characteristics you look for in a partner will make dating a lot easier, and you won’t waste your time or effort on the guys who you should have red-flagged in the first place.
As always, I hope one if not all 5 things resonates with you in any sort of way. 💕
Thank you for reading the 5 things I have learned about being single.
Drop a comment below if you have any more you’d like to add to the list!